Thoughts on Reader Expectations and Self-Identity

Smokestack Glitch copyright 2014 Douglas Cootey
I wanted to jot down a few things before going into the weekend.
First, I’m in the last stretch of my book’s final draft. I have had a devil of a time with this one particular chapter on using faith or meditation to overcome suicidality, but I’m finally making progress with it. In the end it has become one of my strongest chapters. Finishing this book is what I’m supposed to be working on instead of blogging and breathing, so your patience, please. It will soon be done.
Breathing As Art copyright 2014 Douglas Cootey

Second, as much as I use social media to let my hair down, so to speak, I try to share useful links. I also collect them all here in one place. If you read this resource in Flipboard’s app, you can read my comments on each link. I cannot fathom why Flipboard disabled comments in their web version. I have complained multiple times to their customer support, but my complaints fall on deaf ears. Perhaps, however, the comments could be evidence of my pathological logorrhea, or pithy insightfulness. I leave it to you to decide.

Sunset Looking NorthWest over Salt Lake Valley copyright 2014 Douglas Cootey
Lastly, over the past few months some people who followed me on Twitter or Facebook have become disappointed with me. It seems they had me on a high pedestal, and my social media reality didn’t match up. In fact, they seemed almost let down that I still deal with ADHD & Depression.
I’m surprised that I have to say this, but I am able to write well on these subjects precisely because I have ADHD, Depression & Chronic Motor Tic Disorder. Every day. Some days I check everything off my ThreeDos list, make every appointment on time, and keep my Depression at bay. In fact, many days are like that, but other days I get a shut off notice on the door, miss an important appointment because I got distracted researching aquarium webcam tutorials, amble about in forearm crutches, and want to kill myself for no reason at all. I am sorry this comes as a disappointment to you, but sometimes I am human. If it is any consolation to you, this disappoints me as well. It’s darned inconvenient not being a god.
One thing you can count on, however, is that I will always keep fighting. No matter how many set backs I experience, I keep dusting myself off and pushing myself forward. If you follow me online, you can look for the flaws, or you can notice instead that I am an average guy with a creative mind bursting with ADHD, a sensitive soul tempered by a struggle with Depression, and a firebrand filled to the eyes with gumption because of adversity. I share this struggle with you online to inspire you to not give up. I open the window into my life to show you that I am very, very real. I struggle with the same issues that you do, but still I move forward.
I often feel that I polarize people. They tend to think of me as entertainingly odd or disturbingly weird. Perhaps I should change that now to “disappointingly weird”. I don’t know. I get by alright just being me. It’s what lets me experience the world as I do. Not everybody will approve, but the ADHD that makes my life so chaotic also let’s me be silly and take “sexy” sick selfies when I’m feeling ill. The Depression that feels like a weight on my back also helps me feel and think deeply. Sometimes those forces are at odds with each other, but in the end they are the experiences that make me the person who is able to write this blog.
However, I have written more than I intended. That chapter awaits my blood, sweat, and bowl of Goldfish. I hope you can enjoy your weekend to the fullest. Starting with Halloween tonight and ending with a birthday party on Sunday, I know mine will be very busy.







from A Splintered Mind

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